My first real-life meeting with an asexual girl from Moscow. Two days of adventures in St. Petersburg, a darkness quest, celebrating my birthday with a stranger, and the realisation: I can feel comfortable with someone, but long-distance is not for me.
After the vibrant trip to St. Petersburg, she came to visit me in Tallinn. Everything was calm and friendly, but the spark was gone. Walks, a mini-cruise to Stockholm, and the realisation that we had different rhythms.
New Year 2019 on the Tallinn–Stockholm cruise: meeting at the Narva border, fireworks on Freedom Square, separate rooms and the transition from meetings to warm but increasingly rare long-distance friendship.
Shadows of childhood: lack of warmth in the family, looks at boys that were different from other boys, and a quiet fear inside — all this began long before I understood who I am.
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